The Hema Committee report has created a stir in the Malayalam film industry. Women who have suffered physical and mental abuse for a long time have revealed many secrets. This story does not stop at the boundaries of Kerala. Nor is it confined to films. Its shadow also looms over the fashion industry.
The 5’11” and well-groomed models have many ink bowls hidden under their eyes. Their wallets may be bulging, but their stomachs must remain empty.
A model says on the phone- ‘Young girls here are surrounded by one, two, three or many predators at a time. Whatever anyone says, you have to believe it. There are no rules, no written records in this extremely intimate industry. You are successful only as long as you keep quiet.’
It is not easy to get to the bottom of this silence. Despite assurances of anonymity, many models refuse. Some agree, but while telling the story they add- this happened to my friend. I have met only good men in the industry.
Only one says- To survive you need to have a godfather. Powerful. Then no one will lay a hand on you, except him. She laughed bitterly across the phone.
I was around 18 when I got shortlisted for a big fashion show. A scout suggested my name when I was roaming around in a shopping mall.
Scout means agent?
Consider them to be a kind of agent but on a smaller scale. Their job is to find models locally, for which they do recce at airports, malls, or any big place. If they spot a model-face, they send it to a bigger agent.
A few weeks later, an address was sent along with a train ticket to Mumbai. There was nothing special in the email, except that I would have to undergo a small test there. ‘Consider it a formality’ – the third-party agent assures over the phone.
When I reached there, there was a queue of girls in the apartment. All of them were faded photocopies of each other. Tall. Slim. Young. Everyone had twinkling fireflies in their eyes. Everyone had to go inside one by one. It was my turn.
There were two people in the room. One of them said, ‘Can we see you without your top… if you don’t mind!’
I was stunned for a second, then did what they wanted.
“Can you pose like this? If you mind, don’t, sweetie” – another voice comes, very soft, but slimy.
In about 15 minutes, many such requests kept coming one after the other. One person touched me from head to toe. ‘Ment for this’ – words wrapped in a smile.
He was an old person in the industry. I got to know his name after some time. He called me for work but still he did not come.
This is a tried and tested trick of modelling. Here any demand will be such that it will not seem different from a request. Along with it, an English-speaker coaxing you – ‘If you are not comfortable, refuse it straight away’. But think for yourself. How will small girls, who have been playing with soft toys till now, refuse the experienced people of the industry? They can make or break your career in a minute. And on top of that, there is tough competition.
If you refuse, someone else will take the vacant space.
I am not from such a big city. But I look fine. I speak English well. I have no problem eating and drinking. My family has broken all ties so I am almost free. But the dictionary here was a labyrinth.
There’s a term here – go-see. The agent would send me to meet people who were clients, or who could get me work.
These meetings are often held in deserted apartments. It is possible that you may be spared today, but tomorrow or the day after, your turn will come. It has to come.
Within two months of entering the industry, I was raped. Or should I say – mutual intimacy.
I wanted work. There must be many girls like me coming to Go-See. Right after the coercion, the designer said in English while sipping juice – Your upper portion is quite heavy. Work on that.
While I was adjusting my clothes I was wondering if I will get a job now!
Many people said this after that. ‘Too mature’. This is the term for overweight people here. No one will directly call you fat or heavy. I was considered too mature for modeling at the age of 18.
Then you worked on it?
No. I am 28 now. After toiling for a few years, I left the industry. I do everything else. I give voice overs. I select fabric for designers. After studying a little, I started investing in stock as well. Modelling is like boiling milk. Suddenly you will appear on a cover or in a big show, and just as fast you will disappear. Vanish…
Anyway, models grow old by the time they reach 30. Girls grow old even more quickly. Even the white-haired trusted agent says, “You are not that fresh anymore. A fresh face is needed for the show.” As if we are not girls, but milk or cheese. With a best before date.
And there are so many difficulties. During the shoot, models have to change clothes in front of many known and unknown people. They will keep looking at you continuously. They will keep an eye on every curve and cut of your body, but you keep your face flat. Even a small wrinkle on the forehead, a slight anger or objection in the eyes will put you out. ‘Difficult..loud!’ These are the words for such models.
This model, who speaks openly, is not ready to give her real name.
You have left the industry, then what is the problem?
I am retired but I am still a part of it. If my name is revealed, it won’t take long for my job to go away.
Next on the phone was Divya. ‘Small-town girl.’ She says this about herself.
This was the first time I got a couple show. My partner told the designer, ‘I want a more beautiful girl. She is giving me the feeling of a tinda-turai (ridge gourd).’ He didn’t say this in a whisper, but said it loudly. In a way that I could hear. In a way that everyone could hear.
I froze. I reached the stage in a state of confusion. I kept crying for many days after that. That model never bumped into me again. But I could not forget her.
The journey from a small town to Mumbai was not easy. The first lesson from the first boss was- drink everything except water.
Smoke cigarettes. You will die of hunger.
Drink alcohol. Network will be formed.
Drink juice. You will glow.
I wanted to ask what kind of glow would come from staying up all night for the post-event party and then going for the shoot in the morning, but could never ask.
Post-event party is a choice, you could have refused it!
There is no choice in the fashion world. Big people come to these parties. From organizers, photographers to designers. If you catch the eye of even one person, you will definitely get some work.
How much would one show earn, approximately?
It depends. If the show gets bigger, then you earn a lot. But such work does not come easily. In between small works, I have worked for free many times so that the client likes me. Sometimes no assignment comes. Then I have to do everything…
What all does this entail? Is there any compromise?
After a brief hesitation, a voice comes- ‘What you are calling compromise is survival for us. Yes. We have to do it. The person who did this to me the first time, later his hand came on my head. Godfather, you know!’
‘Then no one dared to touch me. He is a powerful man. He also gets me work. Everyone in the circle knows us as a couple. Even though I am less than half his age, I am not allowed to find a partner for myself, until he gets bored of me.’ There was a choking laughter on the other side.
You never got angry at him…Godfather, you never refused!
When I came here, I was like a child. I loved eating chocolates and throwing tantrums. Then he ‘laid his hands’ on me. The other girls looked at me with jealousy. I started getting work. Even if it was a lie, I started being called someone close to me in the city. There was no question of refusing. I kept agreeing to all their demands. It’s been many years now.
But how many more years will this continue?
I know. A new face, new vibes will replace me. There was someone before me, and there will be someone after me too. But now she has gone so far ahead that she cannot even return home. That is a different world. I will not be able to adjust myself, nor will my family be able to tolerate me.
Don’t you talk to your family?
A few days after coming to Mumbai, I started talking to my mother. She would ask me to return. She would say that she will get me educated and married… then ‘she said’ that don’t talk to your family, it diverts your focus from work.
You never thought of starting a family of your own!
No. What does it matter what I think. Outsiders don’t see much difference between us and professional girls. There is no possibility of finding someone in my career right now…
The third model is Reeva. I call her through someone in the industry. After refusing, she immediately agrees. She also suggests a fake name for herself.
‘If I cry my heart out on the phone, you may listen to me quietly but there will be no sympathy from within. If I say, my weight has increased by so many pounds, you will get irritated inside. Our problem is not a real-world problem for the rest of the world.’
I see her DP on WhatsApp. Very thin. Big eyes fixed on a face like a betel leaf, as if stitched from above.
I was a great foodie. When I was at home, I would eat chaat-pani puri every evening. I was neither afraid of oil nor of sweets. Everything changed when I came to the industry. I still remember when my stomach was rumbling due to hunger. There was a show these days.
The agent told me to dip cotton balls in orange juice and swallow them. It’s cotton. Nothing will happen. My stomach will feel full, and there is no fear of weight gain.
Before almost every show, the zero-size model goes to the washroom and vomits.
Many girls smell delicious food so that the brain gets confused and hunger is suppressed.
We learnt these tricks only after entering the industry. The flatter the stomach, the more fitted the dress will be. My height is 5’11 but my weight has always been between 40 and 42 kilos. Weighing has to be done every morning, afternoon and before going to bed. This is the set standard. Even more times during the show. In our profession, the model card matters more than the name.
what is that?
Every model has a card on which her latest photo and size is written. That is, height, weight and which part is lean or heavy. This card is also with the agency, which they give to the client. This number is our identity until we make a permanent contact!
People think that we get paid for appearing on the ramp for a few minutes or for posting a few posts on Instagram. But the truth is that we get paid for suppressing our hunger.
I and almost all models like me are fighting hunger every day. They know all the tricks to minimize hunger. When some cannot control themselves, they eat to their fill, but before the food can be digested, they throw their finger down their throat and throw it out. There are so many eating disorder clinics where people like us can be seen crowded.
People earn to fill their stomachs. As long as our stomachs are empty, money will keep coming.
Is there any union or association that works for you people?
I haven’t seen it yet. I don’t know if it exists.
Almost all the models said this. Even if there are some associations in Mumbai, they are not formal bodies that can draw a strong line between the model and the client. Reeva says- 16-17 year old girls often come here after fighting with their families. There is no identity in Mumbai. They do everything to survive.
When asked about the Malayalam film industry, she says, “I wouldn’t say I avoided it completely.”
There is no fixed pattern of abuse. Before giving you work, someone can ask you to pose nude. He will sit in front and watch along with his friends. He did not even touch you. Now whom should you complain about and where?
No older model has ever warned!
Yes. Some people say that don’t go alone with a certain person. He has a history. We understand that too. But when we get a call from the agent at 10 in the night saying reach there, there is a business meeting, then we cannot refuse. Whatever the meeting may be, but after this, the path is also made.
(Note: Names have been changed to protect identities.)
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