‘Every Raksha Bandhan, a brother promises his sister to protect her. But from whom? From someone else’s brother? Why don’t all brothers tell their sisters that they will not make someone else’s sister feel unsafe?’
A letter received by Aaj Tak Radio Podcast ‘Teen Taal’ this week was an eye-opener. This week the entire country is protesting against a rape and murder in the East, while in the West, a mob has shut down everything against the atrocities on two innocent girls. This week the North celebrated Raksha Bandhan and the entire country came together to celebrate 77 years of Independence.
Next week the cruel wheel of news will turn further.
There will be another rape. Someone else’s abuse. There will be new protests. There will be new demands for resignation. There will be more questions from those in power. But there will be no discussion on the real problem. Rape is not a policing problem. Rape is a family, community and cultural problem.
Think of the Mahabharata, when Draupadi had to fight for her lost honour. She called upon Lord Krishna to ‘protect’ her honour. And the Kauravas died a gruesome death as a result. In our epics, justice is also divine. But real life is not that simple and easy. In fact, justice is denied. Mostly delayed. An organised gang rape case in Ajmer took 32 years to reach a verdict. If we have trended #NotAllMen enough on Twitter, the real concern should be how to raise our sons properly.
‘Why don’t all brothers assure their sisters that no one else’s sister will have to feel unsafe because of them?’
In our country, a boy and a girl are not raised the same. This is not a new problem, and it will not be solved overnight. But we can at least talk about it. Recognising and accepting it will be the first step towards a solution. No police can stop rape until families stop treating their daughters as second-class citizens. Worse still is the notion that daughters are the honour of the family and must therefore be ‘protected’.
Leslie Udwin’s documentary on the Nirbhaya rape case has a blood-curdling statement by the rapists’ lawyer ML Sharma. The Hindi translation of which is, ‘They should not be left on the road like that. Woman, girl, lady, whatever you call them, they are like precious gems, like diamonds. Now it is up to you how you keep that diamond. If you leave that diamond on the road like that, dogs will snatch it. You cannot stop them.’ Here, Sharma was not only saying this about the victim of the 2012 brutal gang rape case, but about common women.
You may be angry at the words of Sharmaji’s son, but in our country, most sons think the same way about their daughters. Whether they are Sharmaji’s sons or someone else’s. Girls are ‘precious’. They are like ‘diamonds’. They are ‘Lakshmi’. They are divine things. They are everything, except being human. They are talked about as if they cannot be found. This is the reason why Nirbhaya’s rapist used to say that a girl roaming around late at night should be taught a ‘lesson’. For people like him, rape is also a lesson.
As long as our culture protects girls as a matter of honour while leaving boys free, no force can stop rape. Neither the police nor any law.
Let’s talk about the family. The data of the National Family Health Survey (NFHS-5) in 2022 shows that about one in three women is harassed by their husband. While another shocking statistic is that 50 percent of children in India have suffered some kind of sexual harassment before turning 18. In most of the cases, the harasser was a member of their family or someone close to them. Most of such cases never become public because our families are such a unit where ‘the matter of the house stays in the house’. Whether it is sexual violence, sexual harassment, or rape. Everything is suppressed for the sake of the honor of the house. Rape can be tolerated, but the ‘honor’ of the house should not be tarnished.
Abusers have been living in families since time immemorial. Be it in mythological stories or in real life. The Kauravas were also Draupadi’s relatives. Read the story of Greek God Zeus and his sister Hera in Greek mythology. You will find it familiar. The story says that when Zeus was controlling women on earth and in the sky, his eyes fell on Hera. But Hera ignored his actions. Seeing this, Zeus took the form of a helpless cuckoo. Hera’s heart melted at this and she picked up the cuckoo. Before she could understand anything, Zeus came in his real form and controlled Hera. He raped Hera. Finally, to avoid embarrassment, Hera married Zeus. Whoever is in the family, or in the sky, also stays in the family.
NCRB data says that in 96.5 percent of cases, the rapist is none other than the victim’s friend, relative, live-in partner, ex-husband or a family friend.
Rape is not a statistic. Neither a headline, a report or a protest. Rape is a cultural problem and it needs a cultural solution. Start from home. Start from the family. Start by giving sons the same socially sensitive upbringing that you have given to daughters till now. Every beginning starts with a small step. But, that step has to be taken first.
Can’t all brothers promise their sisters that no one else’s sister will feel insecure because of them?